Last 30 Quotes of the Day

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The universe may have a purpose, but nothing we know suggests that, if so, this purpose has any similarity to ours.
-- Bertrand Russell

Ned... have you thought about one of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same.
-- Reverend Timothy Lovejoy

Knowledge is good.
-- Emil Faber

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
-- Henny Youngman

In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination.
-- Mark Twain

Once I posed naked for a magazine. But it was very demeaning, and I've never been back to that newsstand.
-- Emo Philips

First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
-- The Doctor

Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine. I'll go build my own lunar lander. With blackjack. And hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack! Ah, screw the whole thing.
-- Bender Unit 22

A thousand years frozen in carbonite? It'll be so cold!
-- Derek 'Stormy' Waters

Science is best defined as a careful, disciplined, logical search for knowledge about any and all aspects of the universe, obtained by examination of the best available evidence and always subject to correction and improvement upon discovery of better evidence. What's left is magic. And it doesn't work.
-- James Randi

Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.
-- David Letterman

We scientists, whose tragic destiny it has been to make the methods of annihilation ever more gruesome and more effective, must consider it our solemn and transcendent duty to do all in our power in preventing these weapons from being used for the brutal purpose for which they were invented.
-- Albert Einstein

Weather forcast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
-- George Carlin

I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a moron..
-- George Carlin

The two most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
-- Harlan Ellison

Oh my God. This is just like that drug trip I saw in that movie while I was on that drug trip.
-- Philip J. Fry

I used to think it was a terrible thing that life was so unfair. Then I thought, 'what if life *were* fair, and all of the terrible things that happen to us came because we really deserved them?' Now I take great comfort in the general unfairness and hostility of the universe.
-- Marcus Cole (Babylon 5)

The problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves and wiser people so full of doubts.
-- Bertrand Russell

There comes a time in the affairs of a man when he has to take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
-- W. C. Fields

Every Christmas my mom would get a fresh goose, for gooseburgers, and my dad would whip up his special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes.
-- Phillip J. Fry

I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.
-- Police Chief Clancy Wiggum

There are two essential rules of management. One: the customer is always right. Two: they must be punished for their arrogance.
-- Dogbert

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?
-- Harry Shearer

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.
-- Dave Barry

The National Rifle Association says, 'Gun's don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.
-- Eddie Izzard

Instead of school busing and prayer in schools, which are both controversial, why not a joint solution? Prayer in buses. Just drive these kids around all day and let them pray their fuckn' empty little heads off.
-- George Carlin, Brain Droppings

The connection between the language in which we think/program and the problems and solutions we can imagine is very close. For this reason restricting language features with the intent of eliminating programmer errors is at best dangerous.
-- Bjarne Stroustrup (The C++ Programming Language)

It's Dr. Evil, I didn't spend six years in Evil Medical School to be called "mister," thank you very much.
-- Dr. Evil

There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it.
-- Cicero