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02 Jul 2009
New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move. -- David Letterman
01 Jul 2009
We are using Linux daily to UP our productivity - so UP yours! -- Adapted from Pat Paulsen by Joe Sloan
30 Jun 2009
The genius of our ruling class is that it has kept a majority of the people from ever questioning the inequity of a system where most people drudge along paying heavy taxes for which they get nothing in return. -- Gore Vidal
29 Jun 2009
Communism is like one big phone company. -- Lenny Bruce
28 Jun 2009
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. -- Groucho Marx
27 Jun 2009
...I don't think music turns people into social liabilities. Because you hear a lyric -- there's no medical proof that a person hearing a lyric is going to act out the lyric. There's also no medical proof that if you hear any collection of vowels and consonants, that the hearing of that collection is going to send you to Hell. -- Frank Zappa
26 Jun 2009
It's tough to have sex during marriage because you're always walking that tight rope between "this again?" and "where did you learn that?" -- Emo Philips
25 Jun 2009
I'm not a bad guy. I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell? -- Homer J. Simpson
24 Jun 2009
Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest. -- Isaac Asimov
23 Jun 2009
In the strict scientific sense we all feed on death -- even vegetarians. -- Spock, "Wolf in the Fold", stardate 3615.4
22 Jun 2009
Frank knew that no man had ever crossed the desert on foot and lived to tell about it. So, he decided to get back in his car and keep driving. -- Jack Handey
21 Jun 2009
I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was waiting. "That was fun," I said. "You bet it was," said Nick. "Let's climb higher." "No," I said. "I think we should be heading back now." "We have time," Nick insisted. I said we didn't, and Nick said we did. We argued back and forth like that for about 20 minutes, then finally decided to head back. I didn't say it was an interesting story. -- Jack Handey
20 Jun 2009
Are you correcting me? Don't correct me! I'm a Pantera's box you do NOT want to open! -- Mr. Furious
19 Jun 2009
If the fans don't wanna come out to the ballpark, no one can stop 'em. -- Yogi Berra
18 Jun 2009
Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand. -- Mark Twain
17 Jun 2009
God's given me a gift. I shovel well. I shovel very well. -- The Shoveler
16 Jun 2009
The language and concepts contained herein are guaranteed not to cause eternal torment in the place where the guy with the horns and pointed stick conducts his business. -- Frank Zappa
15 Jun 2009
I don't own a computer, or a modem, or anything like that; I still work on a manual typewriter, by choice, and to those who consider me a Luddite I say: Fuck you and yo mama. I operate at the level of technology that best suits my needs. And I type at 120 words per minute --two fingers --I make no mistakes, and my manuscripts are real. You can pick them up and hold them. My typewriter doesn't dump it's memory --I don't lose a book. -- Harlan Ellison
14 Jun 2009
And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? -- Homer J. Simpson
13 Jun 2009
If you ever require a picture of resentful apathy, check out any background munchkin in the Wizard of Oz. Also, I think it's shameful to try to pin the collapse of the lollipop industry on the lollipop guild. -- John Hodgman (via twitter)
12 Jun 2009
A noble spirit embiggins the smallest man. -- Jebidiah Springfield
11 Jun 2009
No one goes there nowadays, it's too crowded. --Yogi Berra
10 Jun 2009
One does not need to puzzle long over why religionists hate atheists so venomously. Atheist stir up the suppressed doubts of believers to the point of producing anguish. This is the anguish that incited believers to burn heretics and atheists at the stake in olden times to remove the source of the unsettling, disturbing doubts that plagued the believers. -- C. W. Dalton, The Right Brain and Religion
09 Jun 2009
The best that we can do is to be kindly and helpful toward our friends and fellow passengers who are clinging to the same speck of dirt while we are drifting side by side to our common doom. -- Clarence Darrow
08 Jun 2009
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I want to see the manager." -- William S. Burroughs
07 Jun 2009
Let's face it, comedy is a dead art form. Now tragedy, ha ha ha, that's funny! -- Bender Unit 22
06 Jun 2009
The five main kinds of electricity are alternating current, direct current, lightning, static, and European. Most American homes have alternating current, which means that the electricity goes in one direction for a while, then goes in the other direction. This prevents harmful electron buildup in the wires. -- Dave Barry
05 Jun 2009
All of the books in the world contain no more information than is broadcast as video in a single large American city in a single year. Not all bits have equal value. -- Carl Sagan
04 Jun 2009
Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy. -- Homer J. Simpson
03 Jun 2009
But this one goes to eleven. -- Nigel Tufnel
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